you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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