If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
