i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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