She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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