Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
