so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
