i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
