Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
