So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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