In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
