So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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