my mouth tastes like poor choices
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
