Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
