I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
