have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish i was in the wii world.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
