No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
