Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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