I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My penis needs a shock collar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
