her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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