I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
