drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
