I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
