I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
