guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
