We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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