I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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