STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
