he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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