I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i came on her dog
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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