Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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