I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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