Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
