11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
