your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
