every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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