Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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