Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
