3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
