Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
