I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
