His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
