He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
