she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found a bag of teeth...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
