So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
