I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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