Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
