OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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