Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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