I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
