I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
