Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
