if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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