I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
