Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
