whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
