Kareoke will never be a sober sport
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize