she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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