dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
