Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
