Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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