I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
