I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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