Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
