its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, beer. Big fan.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were trust falling into bushes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
