he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize