I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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